Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
