If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
