i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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