They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Randomize
