if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
