We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize