kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
