It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Watching her eat just hurts me
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
