The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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