i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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