i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
