Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
