Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
