i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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