so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
