not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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