wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
home. puking in laundry basket.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
