can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
