And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
