I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
