I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
