i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
