I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
