I haven't been this sober since birth.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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