If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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