So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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