I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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