glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize