Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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