I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
