What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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