I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just gift wrapped bread.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
