God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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