One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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