how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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