maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
