you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
