Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
