So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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