Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
