God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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