i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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