My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
