oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
