I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
