I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
