he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
