it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
