i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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