apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
