Sry I called you an 8
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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