No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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