Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
