I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
