We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
In other news, I just burned my penis
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
