My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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