I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
