Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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