yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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