i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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