He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
