Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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