I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
