just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just had sex on a roof
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
