This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
